Pink (Color Poem 5)

Pink

     Pink

he is supposed to be here
     i think
the random words
     what am i even talking about
words pouring out of my mouth
to my friends don't register
because my stomach is spinning
like the wheels of a truck stuck in mud
because

he is supposed to be here
     i know
i am wearing a new dress because today
is his birthday and i know
he is supposed to be here
     but he isn't
and my arms wrap around my middle

as my friends’ conversation

     like the murmurs of talking while asleep

rolls along with the rolling of my stomach

     but my stomach stops rolling
     the tires halt
     and reverse
     slowly rolling in the opposite direction
     back down a hill
     then faster
     picking up speed
     because

he is here now
     i see
and my friends move on to talk to other friends
and i move on to talk to other friends
as the room jumbles like schools of fish swimming through each other
and i try to ignore the yanking urge i feel
to look around the room
     just for a second
and see what he is doing
     and i don't ignore it
     and i look
and

he is looking at me
     i feel
the area under each of my pores
     from my hairline
     to my earlobes
     to my collarbone
     to my shoulders
warms like a marshmallow over an open flame
as his deep
     chocolatey
eyes meet mine.

And I stop.

Taking in a deep breath of air,

I look away,

back to the friends in front of me.

Then, with a sigh,

I start a new conversation,

refusing to look around again,

because

I don’t want him to know

     why I’m pink.